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When Xmas duties finally hit! :-)

Updated: Jan 26, 2023

The Christmas holidays bring with them a significant increase in social "duties". You may feel compelled to go to the company party or dinner with your team, even if you'd rather be at home with your family. Or, on the contrary, you would like to go to the party but you feel obliged not to because you have already made family commitments. In other words, you feel compelled to say yes to things you don't want to do. But this compliance will only lead to the accumulation of resentment and anger. Every time you say yes, just to please others, you are actually accumulating credits towards them. Unconsciously you say to yourself: “I have done five favours, now I expect I will get something back”. In this unusual emotional accounting, these accumulated credits have a negative sign. I accumulate negative emotional points because I do something reluctantly. Clearly, after a while, all of this becomes emotionally unsustainable. What can you do about it? Try to reflect on the following: “It is the right of others to make requests, but it is also my right to refuse them” “It is my right to make requests, but it is also the right of others to refuse them” "I have to learn to say no" Let's see what happens thanks to this change in the cognitive process: 1. A friend of yours asks you for a favour and you are happy to help them. Points: +1 2. Your best friend asks you for a very expensive gift and you politely refuse. "I have to learn to say no" Points: 0 3. You ask your boss to extend the summer holidays and he refuses “it is the right of others to refuse”: Points: 0 4. You ask your wife for a nice present for Christmas and she agrees: Points: 1 “It is my right to make requests” Points: 1 You have accumulated two points. As you can see, by doing so you will only accumulate positive points, you will feel better and it will be easier for you to connect with others. Over time, you will accumulate so many positive points that even if sometimes you have to say yes reluctantly it won't be so stressful for you. You're just subtracting one point from an overall healthy positive balance. I hope these tips will help you to spend a good Christmas

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